Life without You
by Emmett's Delight
Summary: Ste is left alone after Brendan is taken to jail.


After Brendan was led away by the police, Ste just remained on the floor in a mess. He was still sobbing and couldn't understand what had just happened. He thought Brendan loved him as much as he loved him, but it didn't seem to be the case. Why would he throw their future away for Cheryl, she had let him down time after time, whilst he was always there for him. Always giving him a second, third even fourth chance. He adored the ground the man walked on and would put his life on the line for him. Why didn't Brendan feel the same, he said he'd always love him and wanted to give him the future he deserved, well this isn't the future he deserved surely!

He wasn't sure how long he'd been on the floor, when Cheryl came over and helped him up "come on love you'll freeze if you stay there any longer"

"Like you care, you are the reason this happened, as long as Princess Cheryl gets her happy ever after what does it matter hey?"

"Ste, don't be like that"

"What do you want from me Cheryl, you've just taken my life away from me, and you will drive off into the sunset won't you?"

"Do you want me to hand myself in then Ste?"

"No, Brendan, would never forgive me. I want you to go away and leave me alone, everyone does in the end anyway. Brendan wanted to give himself up for you, doesn't mean I have to like you, now go"

Cheryl, sobbed as she walked away from Ste and ran into Nate's arms, he shook his head and gently led her out of the hospital ward. Ste ran to the reception and asked where they had taken Brendan.

After what seemed like forever, but was less than 10 minutes, Ste was outside the prison and looked at the imposing building and gulped back more tears. He wasn't sure if Brendan would come and see him, but he had to try, he waited for 30 minutes but as expected Brendan was a no show. This pattern was repeated for the next twenty days and Ste was getting tired and emotional, he needed Brendan in his life, even if it was just for 10 minutes a day in a prison visiting room. He finally broke down and just let all the emotion out and couldn't control himself, he just sat there and rocked back and forwards sobbing his heart out. He just kept repeating "I cant live my life without you, I cant" over and over again. The prison guards were surprisingly gently with Ste as they led him away.

After visiting hours were over, the prisoners were led back to their cells and one of the guards popped his head around Brendan's cell door. Brendan was lying on his bed naked from the waist up holding his bible to his heart.

"Your boy was here again today Brendan"

"Yeah, that must have been nice for him" although Brendan was outwardly calm, his insides were churning and his heart was breaking. He had told Steven to stay away and forget him and get on with his own life. Why was the boy so stubborn, why didn't he listen to him. Although if he was honest with himself this was the reason Brendan first fell for him.

"Not really, he broke down, he was in a right state we had to help him out of the prison. We were all quite worried about him. It's nothing to do with me, but you really should consider seeing him, if he comes tomorrow. I'm worried about his health"

As Brendan was again left alone, a single tear fell down his face and landed on his bible. For the first time in his life, Brendan was out of control and didn't know what to do for the best. His heart ached for the boy, but he couldn't afford to see him, he'd never let him go again if that happened.

He sighed and swore to himself and asked to make his phone call, this was going to be hard. He swallowed his pride and decided to ask for help for the first time ever. He made his way to the phone and dialled the most important number in his life. The phone only rang twice before it was answered with a rough "hello"

Brendan held his breath, looked up to the sky and finally said "Nate... I need your help, can you come and see me tomorrow?"

Neither Brendan or Ste slept that night, both tossing and turning thinking of the other man. Ste cradled Brendan's hoody and Brendan cradled his bible. Ste was still refusing to speak to Cheryl or anyone else, he just sat in his room drinking beer and listening to Johnny Cash over and over again. Doug had tried to visit him, tried forcing the lock, but Ste had barricaded himself in. Doug was the last person he wanted to see, he couldn't cope with his lectures and pompous behaviour. Doug always made Ste feel second best and inferior.

Ste just lay on the sofa, thinking of Brendan, he wasn't stupid, he knew he had suffered at Brendan's hand, but no-one saw the kind, funny and loyal Brendan that he saw, that Brendan saved for him. Yes, Brendan had hurt him in the past, both physically and mentally, but he had never felt so safe and so loved in his life before. Brendan made him happy... Well he had until he threw it all away, he'd proved everyone right and Ste wrong. They had all warned him Brendan would let him down again, that he didn't love Ste, even Cheryl had warned him. That was before she found out about Seamus and what he had done to Brendan. Ste just starred blankly at the wall, Brendan had suffered so much in his life and thought he was evil, he really didn't deserve this life, he deserved his life with Ste. How could they be happy without each other. " Brendan, I wish you could hear me, I can't live my life without you, I just can't"

Brendan was lying in his bed, staring blankly at the wall infront of him, and the image of Ste was before him. His heart missed a beat and he hugged the bible closer to him. He blinked several times and looked at the wall again, there was nothing there. What a fool, why did he think Steven would be in his cell with him. He remembered the last time they'd been together, he had been handcuffed to the hospital bed and Steven was crying and kissing him. He told him he would never feel differently about him, whilst Brendan told him he had changed everything. Brendan wondered if Ste did indeed feel the same about him, if he still loved him. He dared to hope he might, he dared to hope Nate might be able to help him. "Steven Hay, I love you, I'm sorry I let you down, I can't live my life without you, I just can't"

Brendan was fidgety and couldn't settle all morning waiting to see Nate. Finally he turned up, he strode confidently over to Brendan, took him by surprise by hugging him and sat down on the uncomfortable chair in front of Brendan.

"I would say it's great to see you but in the circumstances, I'll just say I'm glad you phoned"

"Nate, thanks for visiting me, I'm not sure why I phoned but I need to do something. Firstly, have you see Steven, how's he doing?"

"Brendan, I can't lie to you, he is refusing to see anyone, he has been awful to Cheryl and Doug, and has locked himself away in his flat"

Despite the situation, Brendan smiled at the thought of sassy Steven, standing up to Douglas and Cheryl. The boy had so much courage and sass and he loved him for it. Brendan shook his head, he needed it clear of such thoughts so he could work out a plan.

"Nate, I need your help, I want to get out of here to be with Steven. I need a lawyer and I need the best"

"Oh Brendan, that is music to my ears, I've already found one and he is already working on getting you out of here. Cheryl has told him the truth, calm down Brendan it's okay, trust me. Cheryl means the world to me and I will not risk her going to jail"

"But Nate, I don't want her involved"

"That's tough because she is, Brendan this is not going to be easy, but if you are prepared to talk about what Seamus did to you, there is some hope"

"I don't think I can go through that I really don't"

"Think of Ste and being with him then"

Brendan looked at Nate long and hard and just nodded and said okay make it happen, but asked Nate for one more favour.

Nate left the prison in a rush as he wanted to keep his promise to Brendan. He was so relieved with how the visit had gone and surprised that Brendan had agreed to tell the truth about the abuse. Nate came to a stop outside the front door of Ste's flat, and knocked the door and stood back. As expected the door was not opened so Nate smiled and shouted "Ste, it's me Nate I've seen Brendan and he asked me to talk to you"

In less than 5 seconds he heard a bang and the door was flung open and Ste pulled Nate inside. Nate took in the vision infront of him, Ste was a mess and stank he was wearing the same clothes he'd been in when Nate saw him over 10 days ago. Ste offered Nate a drink, well a half empty can of beer, Nate refused and sat opposite Ste.

"Ste, as I said I saw Brendan today and..."

"How, I mean why, why you and not me. Why won't he see me, why doesn't he love me anymore"

"That's just it Ste, he does he worships you, he asked me to help him get a lawyer and get him out of jail so he can be with you forever. He loves you so much he is prepared to tell the truth about Seamus and the abuse in court"

"Oh my god, really Nate, really? I can't believe it, I thought he hated me and didn't want me in his life anymore"

"You couldn't be more wrong my friend, that man is smitten with you he wants to see you tomorrow. So you'd better get cleaned up, I'll clean the flat when you have a shower"

Ste stood opened mouthed and then took Nate by surprise as he rushed to hug him "thank you Nate thank you so very much, I'll never forget this ever"

After Ste had cleaned himself up and Nate had tidied the flat Nate told Ste he was staying with him and Cheryl for the night. Ste panicked and said he couldn't as he had been horrible to Cheryl and didn't think he could face her again. Nate placed an arm around Ste's shoulder and explained that Cheryl had found a lawyer and told them the truth and they had nearly built a case to get Brendan off and it had all been Cheryl's idea.

Ste looked at Nate with wide eyes "you nearly have a case together to get Brendan off really?" "Yes Ste really, now Brendan has agreed to tell the truth I think we are there, now come on I'm hungry"

Nate put Ste's bag in his sports car and drive the short distance to the hotel he and Cheryl were staying in. Ste hesitated, still nervous of seeing Cheryl. However, a whirlwind of curls came running out of the hotel and threw themselves at Ste. They held each other for ages, Nate took Ste's bags into the hotel and left them together. Cheryl held Ste's hand and told him she understood and would have done the same. She told Ste about the lawyer and the case he was building, explained what happened that night and what she'd witnessed. Ste just sat and listened, taking in everything she said to him and realised how selfish he had been, she was hurting as much as Ste and had also killed her father. After they had finished talking they walked into the hotel arm in arm and went to their room.

Ste managed to sleep a little and woke up incredibly nervous at the thought of seeing Brendan today. He wasn't sure what to do with himself, he was so excited and worried at the same time. He had missed Brendan so much and was angry with him, but wanted to kiss and hug him. He hadn't realised how much he needed Brendan in his life, it was meaningless without him, he'd wanted to end it all. The future had been so bleak without the Irishman in his life, he couldn't let himself hope Brendan would be released soon. Nate seemed really hopeful and had great trust in his lawyer, but Ste didn't want his heart broken again. He just wanted to see him now and hold him tight and tell him what he meant to him.

Nate drove the car to the prison gate and wished Ste good luck. He told him bed be in the car park waiting for me and gave him the biggest smile ever. Ste thought Nate was acting a bit weird but thought nothing more of it as he got out the car and made the short journey to the gates. He hesitated for a second as he straightened out the creases in his jeans and held his head up as he walked in the prison.

He was led to a different room and was a little bewildered, there was a sofa and TV in the room, Ste looked around him and was feeling alarmed, had Brendan been hurt, was this a hospital ward? The door opened and Ste's heart leapt with joy, a guard brought Brendan into him. He wasn't in his prison clothes, he had his tight grey suit with an even tighter blue shirt with four buttons undone. Ste just stood there opened mouth staring at the gorgeous sight infront of him. He felt a movement in his crotch as soon as he saw Rwandan. Judging by Brendan's heaving chest, he was feeling the same.

The guard smiled at Brendan wished him luck and left them together in the room. Ste couldn't understand what was happening, but automatically ran into Brendan's arms and threw himself at him. Brendan picked him up easily and twirled him around in the air laughing and hugging Ste.

"Oh my god I've missed Ye Steven, more than I thought was possible, come here I want to kiss you"

"Bren, what happening where are we Bren?"

"Shhh just kiss me please"

Ste stood on his tiptoes and pulled Brendan to him and forced his tongue into his mouth and Brendan moaned into it. They had both missed this, both thought they would never see their lover again, both yearned for this moment.

Ste started to unbutton Brendan's shirt, but he was stopped by Brendan's hand.

"Not here Steven, not like this, you deserve better than this"

"But Bren, how else are we going to spend time together I don't understand."

Brendan stroked Ste's cheek gently and laughed at the look of horror on his boys face. He sighed a content sigh and pulled him even closer into his arms if that was possible.

"Steven I am a free man"

"What?"

"Nate's lawyer has won my case, I don't need to go to court, they accept that Cheryl killed Seamus and it was in self defence as he was going to shoot us both. They also accepted that all the other murders I owned up to were because of the shock of my father trying to rape me. The case was overturned and Cheryl and I are both free"

Ste took a while to comprehend what he had just been told by Brendan, he was frowning as he was trying to work it out. Brendan just stood there and watched him fondly, trying desperately not to laugh at the boy. He soon was smiling brightly when Ste seemed to understand and screamed with delight and attacked Brendan with kisses all over his face and neck as he was crying with happiness. "Bren can we go home before we see anyone else?" Brendan just smirked as his answer and led the way to the side door to leave the prison with some dignity.

Back at the flat Ste opened the door and pulled Brendan into the bedroom, and with strength found from nowhere, he pushed him onto THEIR bed. He sucked at Brendan's neck and left his mark as he'd hoped. He then slowly undid Brendan's shirt buttons and kissed each part of exposed flesh he took his time enjoying making Brendan squirm. He sucked and gently bit each nipple, flicking it with his tongue. Brendan was getting impatient, it had been three weeks since he'd last had sex and he was desperate to be in his boy. He tried to gain control of the situation, but Ste was having none of it. He pushed Brendan back on the bed and helped him take his trousers and boxers off.

Ste drank in the site before and glanced at Brendan through his lashes, he smiled shyly and then let the filth fall from his mouth "Bren, I'm gonna make you come apart infront of him. I'm going to suck you raw and then rediscover your hole with my fingers and tongue. Then if you'll let me I'm going to fuck you harder than you have ever been fucked" he looked at Brendan again and blushed.

Brendan loved the bones of this boy, he was the dirtiest with his mouth, but also so shy at the same time. He could barely speak he was so turned on. "God yes please take me Steven, I'd love to feel you inside me, it's been so long"

Without further hesitation Ste turned Brendan over and started to kiss his way down his back, he bit both of the arse cheeks on show and then delved into Brendan's hole. His tongue took on a life of its own, he flicked and probed until Brendan screamed with frustration. He then gave Brendan two fingers to suck before he kissed Brendan "I love you Bren, I can't live my life without you" then he plunged both fingers into Brendan's hole and fucked him until Brendan begged Ste to enter him. He kept working Brendan with his fingers as he mounted Brendan so he could suck his cock, once Ste was satisfied he was ready he replaced his fingers gently with his cock and rode Brendan bareback and harder than he had ever been ridden before. Both the lovers were dripping in sweat but neither wanted the moment to end. Finally with a cry they came together. Ste stayed inside Brendan riding out their climaxes, he stroked Brendan's back and slowly eased out of him. "I love you so much Bren, please never leave me again, I need you in my life now and forever"

"Steven my life is nothing if I don't have you, you have made me the man I am today. I can't face life without you"


End file.
